I love entertaining, giving parties, cooking for friends. Making a meal for someone is a creative, personal gesture. Using your hands to pat, mold, shake, stir and bake food for your guests to ingest is, well, a downright intimate act. And one to take seriously. Of course, not everyone does as I was reminded when I read an article in the New York Times about the challenges of cooking for those with dietary restrictions.
I understand that it can be a pain to modify a menu for dinner guests. But that’s what you do for guests, right? I’ll never forget the time I went to a girlfriend’s house for dinner. I had told her beforehand that I didn’t eat red meat. Halfway through a meal of elaborately concocted turkey and vegetable wraps, I discovered that she had snuck thin slices of pork into the mix. Later she bragged about fooling her vegetarian-leaning friends this way because she thought their dietary preferences were “ridiculous.”
Rude, right? But not just rude. It’s reckless to serve a dinner guest a food s/he chooses not (based on moral or religious beliefs) or cannot (due to allergies and health reasons) eat. I remember one Christmas when I presented a neighbor with a plate of cookies. I was feeling pretty good about my gift until my neighbor spit out the bourbon ball she had almost swallowed. Not knowing her that well, I had forgotten that she was a recovering alcoholic. I felt terrible. She was forgiving but the memory has stayed with me for years. Same goes for the time I served an acquaintance (who later became a dear friend) a dessert made with regular white flour. I had overlooked the fact that she was allergic to gluten. Not good.
I’m much better about noting—and remembering—the food preferences and/or intolerances of my friends now. I’ve learned their food restrictions are a lot more than just “picky eating.” When one of my favorite couples came to dinner recently, I made two meals—fish for her (the only animal protein she would eat) and chicken for him. I didn’t serve nuts either as both were allergic and I didn’t want to send them to the hospital.
So, I try. But to intentionally serve a guest one of their forbidden foods as my girlfriend had not only done but delighted in doing? The word, “sadistic,” comes to mind. Needless to say, I didn’t share many meals with her after that stunt.
A few years ago, I heard she adopted a couple of kids. I sure hope they don’t have any food allergies.
I agree to a point – I have hosted a number of semi-public large parties (like the running club events) and occasionally had people complain that their particular food preferences weren’t “covered”. I always try to have a large enough selection of vegetarian foods that nobody will go hungry, but it’s hard enough work to feed 60 or 70 (or more) people without tailoring it to a variety of individuals. If someone is so far outside the mainstream in their preferences that it makes it difficult to cook for them relative to the situation, they ought to bring their own food or at least offer the hostess some assistance!
I do agree that it’s downright mean to try to fool someone, regardless of their reasons for not wanting to eat something. Unless of course you’re trying to get your kids to eat beets!
I agree that cooking for large groups is difficult but it sounds like you really try to offer a variety of foods. (Beets were never a problem for me but my mother sure had trouble getting me to eat okra–blech!)
we have some relatives that have this type of thing going on– frequently they will bring what they want to or can eat LOL!
Less work for you